A Letter about my New Life

Dear Vandana,
Thank you so much for your thoughtful and provoking post.I don't know where to start and as I write this I must tell you that I am in a constant state of discovery. My ideas change and are built upon each day.I think I will use point form too. It is how I usually write down my thoughts.
1) My life has become a constant search for, WHY? WHy did my son have to die?- I cannot see any goodness coming out of it. Only that I have become more spiritual.I constantly devour all spiritual books, DVD's, NDE's, ADC's, ghost stories, quantum physics, scientific research.I have never been religious.All I read points to the fact that we are all part of God  and we are all one.There is definetly an all knowing power that has orchestrated our lives.Sorry if this offends anyone.
2) I have realised that it is no use having grudges or judging- I went through a period where I was annoyed with many people and how they treated us after, David's death. Now I do not care. Many people have moved out of our lives and others have moved in.Everybody has to travel on their own journey and all we can do is show them love and compassion.
3)My life has changed. My past life seems unreal.My relationship in my family has changed.I now no longer am the neat,motivated, with it, person I was. I don't care as much about neatness and order any more.My younger son needs me more and more. He has developed OCD after losing his brother. His friends all left him.He is not the happy boy he was. My husband throws himself into his work.We don't have the samerelationship we used to.He is on the same wavelength as me so I can tell him my thoughts but is still entrenched in the fake world.David was our guiding force. He made us get up at weekends and have fun. Now my husband and son sleep til 11:30 every weekend. I sit here on the computer.We don't have much fun anymore.There can never be that feeling of euphoria and enjoyment in a moment that there once was. The feeling that all is right with the world has gone as my world is "not right," anymore.
4) I am realising that this world is not real.A medium told me this in the early days and it shocked me but as I continue on my journey I begin to see evidence that this may be true. There are so many synchronicities and co incidences. I believe our thoughts can influence our world. I believe we must be positive to have a positive experience here but it is so hard when your whole world has been rocked.
5) I know our loved ones are still very much alive, just in a different form. I know we will meet again and hold them in our arms. I am pretty sure they can hear and see us and try and answer our requests through ADC's. I believe time is not linear and we are fooled into thinking it is. I think on our Earth journey we have blinkers over our eyes and there is a lot more going on than we ever will know while we are human.
5) I have discovered I am not scared of death anymore. I am only scared of losing my loved ones or leaving them here alone to grieve,. I could not put them through what I have been through. I would not wish this on anyone and I often ask God (if there is one), How can you watch us go through this.?
6) When it comes down to it I think if I had to answer WHY? as in point 1, I think the answer may be that we are here to find our true selves, to understand who we are and to learn that the only important thing is LOVE.
Thanks for listening to my ramblings

Eyes wide open!

How can you go through life, blinded.Why does it take a tragic event to remove the blinkers from your eyes. I went through 50 years like this. I often wonder if I had opened my eyes sooner would my son would still be here.Here is a reply I wrote to another grieving ,mum. It explains some of what I mean.

Dear Alicia, you are not silly and thanks for sharing with us. Your spiritual eyes have been opened as have mine through the loss of our sons. I wish it could have been another way. The first time I began to question was when I got my first ADC's. Then I went to a medium and she told me that I am beginning to realise this world isn't real. Wow! that really woke me up. I had never thought that before.Since then I have noticed so many things that point me to this conclusion. There is so much serendipity and synchronicity.I know this world is not what it seems.Our limited humaness prevents us from seeing the truth.It is like we have blinkers on.It is so hard to see beyond this reality as it is so real to us while we are here but I believe we can if we try. The answer is to,"believe."Everything is for a reason, every word, every encounter.When something happens now I ask "why?" instead of just putting it down as co incidence.Our sons are still very much alive, they know the real truth and are continuing to help and guide us on our earthly journey.Love to you.