Saturday, September 24, 2011

Prison Planet!

I read somewhere that maybe Earth is a prison planet. We are sent here to re habilitate and learn to love and find the true meaning of ourselves. I had a thought today that in the Christian religion we believe that if we sin here and have impure thoughts we will have eternal damnation after we die.Maybe we got that wrong, maybe if we have impure thoughts and send back negative thoughts here we get eternal damnation HERE. Our lives will be crap and we will suffer terribly. Maybe the whole point of being here is to learn to only put out good thoughts and love and then it will be returned to us.Put out negative thoughts and hate/fear and it will be returned to us.Scientists are now finding that thoughts have power. Maybe our thoughts create our world.Remember Ghost Busters where they had to think of something that would kill them and one of them thought of the marshmellow man and it manifested. I really think our thoughts are stronger than we realise."be careful what you wish for!"

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Ways of Dying and what they mean.

This was posted on one of my groups and I find it very profound.
Types of Dying and What They Mean
Natural death


old age
illness and disease
youngest souls
fear
lessons to learn
things to experience
people to see
hardest for those dying, but easiest for those left behind

death by natural causes
storms
earthquakes
older souls who know it's their time, but don't know how to do this and are fearful of
dying, so they put themselves in the path of events who will help them accomplish this.
Hard for those dying, and a little harder for those left behind

death at the hands of another

murder
car accidents
plane crashes
war
older souls who know it's their time, but don't know how to do this and are fearful about dying, so they "put" themselves in the path of people or events who will help them accomplish this.
easier for those dying but harder for those left behind

death at their own hands

suicide
drug overdose
still older souls who can see and touch the door to cross over, but don't know how to open it
still easier for those dying, but one of the hardest for those left behind, extreme guilt

sudden death

dying quickly and unexpectantly at any age
includes miscarriages, SIDs
oldest souls
the door to the otherside opens and they just step thru.
hard for those left behind because there are no answers, especially for those without any spiritual beliefs


Dec 28, 2003

Cindi Wafstet/Epona'Bri
© 2003
Permission to share freely as long as credit is given.


Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Soul Agreements- WHY?

I can't agree that our soul agreements are always right.I do believe that we come here to learn and find out about ourselves but I think that the methods we have to learn by are too cruel.My son, David passed at age 19 in 2007. David knew from the age of 4 that he would die young.From a happy,cheerful boy he became an anxious and unhappy boy. At 4 he had to see a child psychiatrist as he was scared that eveything would hurt him. At 10 he had to attend an anxiety clinic and at 16 he went to hospital with severe depression as he was so scared of dying. David knew he would die before age 20.He often told me he would never marry or have a life after then. Imagine how this made me and my family feel. He knew he would be beaten up and he had something wrong with him. He was assaulted by bouncers at a club and died of a heart attack from an undiagnosed heart deffect.David tried everything to save himself. He ate healthily, he exercised every day. He tried to build up his muscles.He was nearly 20 and he was feeling happy. I believe he thought he had beaten his soul agreement.On the day he died I had a very bad feeling. I tried to stop him going to the club.David went to the club by himself. Another out of character moment.He tried to find a friend to go with him but they were all busy. My husband and I had a verbal fight. He wanted David to go. It was very out of character as if something was controlling him.I later made my husband go to the club and bring David home but it was too late.Even on the CCT footage of the club a van is seen to move forward a few feet and then back again to obscure my husband's view from seeing David being attacked.The police said it was spooky. Obviously our soul agreement had to be carried out, despite the fact David didn't want it to happen and I tried to prevent it. I believe this is what happened.Maybe when I die I will see the goodness in this soul agreement but it has now been over 4 years and I have not seen any good in it.I have tried but the bad things outway the good. I have asked God to replace my sadness with joy on many occassions but until I hold my son in my arms again I will never have the joy I had before.Guess I will be having this lesson again as I really don't see i have learnt anything but sadness.

Bits of this and that

I was sitting in my car waiting for my younger son to finish college as I was picking him up. On came a song on the radio that I have never heard before.It was basically just music and the words saying, "open your mind." My son hopped in the car and said,"Mum, look at the time." it was 11:11. Do you think this was a message for me?

About a week ago I asked David if he could send a kookaburra also called kingfisher(Australian bird) to let me know he is OK. (I know I ask for, too much) Well, we decided to go into, Sydney City, last Sunday. David loved going into the city. We have only been a handful of times since he passed as it is too painful.Well on the trip in on the main highway I just happened to glance up at a light pole and there was a lone kookaburra sitting on the top.No other birds anywhere.Now I haven't seen a kookaburra in such a long time. Last night at home I heard the kookaburras laugh.I couldn't see them but they must have been in a tree nearby. They have a very distinctive laughing sound. I haven't heard this for a few years. If we ask we receive.

I was on the way home when I pulled up at the lights. I thought it would be nice to get an ADC from David. David was killed at a place called Castle Hill Tavern on 7/7/07.At the lights a truck pulled up beside me.It had a load of trailers on the back. I glanced at the last trailer. It's licence plate was 77-TAV.I completely lost it and started blubbering. Thank you David.
What are the odds.

Yesterday I was driving to pick my son up and I asked David to show me a licence plate. ( I know I am greedy).Straight up beside me comes a car with the plate HE4VEN. I nearly jumped out of my seat and it was such an old nondescript car driven by a little old lady.I have never seen a plate like that before. Then in the other lane was a car with the licence plate 000 777 .
I couldn't believe it.I think someone heard me.Thank you Angels and David.

I bought a movie called"The 13th Floor" with Vincent D'onofrio. It's an old movie but sounded good. It's about alternate realities. My husband and I watched it on Saturday night.Afterwards I looked up Wikipedia to read about it and found it was filmed at 777 S Figuero St, Los Angeles and the main character was called David. For those that don't know I take 777 as my son, David's number. I see lots of 777's.
Then today while at the DVD/music store (they play background music) Well they played "Forever Young," which was played at my friend's son's funeral.As I was thinking about him and how sad it was the song finished and on came, "Straight Lines," played at my son's funeral. Now these songs are 5 and 4 years old, so what are the odds???

Saturday, August 20, 2011

A Letter about my New Life

Dear Vandana,
Thank you so much for your thoughtful and provoking post.I don't know where to start and as I write this I must tell you that I am in a constant state of discovery. My ideas change and are built upon each day.I think I will use point form too. It is how I usually write down my thoughts.
1) My life has become a constant search for, WHY? WHy did my son have to die?- I cannot see any goodness coming out of it. Only that I have become more spiritual.I constantly devour all spiritual books, DVD's, NDE's, ADC's, ghost stories, quantum physics, scientific research.I have never been religious.All I read points to the fact that we are all part of God  and we are all one.There is definetly an all knowing power that has orchestrated our lives.Sorry if this offends anyone.
2) I have realised that it is no use having grudges or judging- I went through a period where I was annoyed with many people and how they treated us after, David's death. Now I do not care. Many people have moved out of our lives and others have moved in.Everybody has to travel on their own journey and all we can do is show them love and compassion.
3)My life has changed. My past life seems unreal.My relationship in my family has changed.I now no longer am the neat,motivated, with it, person I was. I don't care as much about neatness and order any more.My younger son needs me more and more. He has developed OCD after losing his brother. His friends all left him.He is not the happy boy he was. My husband throws himself into his work.We don't have the samerelationship we used to.He is on the same wavelength as me so I can tell him my thoughts but is still entrenched in the fake world.David was our guiding force. He made us get up at weekends and have fun. Now my husband and son sleep til 11:30 every weekend. I sit here on the computer.We don't have much fun anymore.There can never be that feeling of euphoria and enjoyment in a moment that there once was. The feeling that all is right with the world has gone as my world is "not right," anymore.
4) I am realising that this world is not real.A medium told me this in the early days and it shocked me but as I continue on my journey I begin to see evidence that this may be true. There are so many synchronicities and co incidences. I believe our thoughts can influence our world. I believe we must be positive to have a positive experience here but it is so hard when your whole world has been rocked.
5) I know our loved ones are still very much alive, just in a different form. I know we will meet again and hold them in our arms. I am pretty sure they can hear and see us and try and answer our requests through ADC's. I believe time is not linear and we are fooled into thinking it is. I think on our Earth journey we have blinkers over our eyes and there is a lot more going on than we ever will know while we are human.
5) I have discovered I am not scared of death anymore. I am only scared of losing my loved ones or leaving them here alone to grieve,. I could not put them through what I have been through. I would not wish this on anyone and I often ask God (if there is one), How can you watch us go through this.?
6) When it comes down to it I think if I had to answer WHY? as in point 1, I think the answer may be that we are here to find our true selves, to understand who we are and to learn that the only important thing is LOVE.
Thanks for listening to my ramblings

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Eyes wide open!

How can you go through life, blinded.Why does it take a tragic event to remove the blinkers from your eyes. I went through 50 years like this. I often wonder if I had opened my eyes sooner would my son would still be here.Here is a reply I wrote to another grieving ,mum. It explains some of what I mean.

Dear Alicia, you are not silly and thanks for sharing with us. Your spiritual eyes have been opened as have mine through the loss of our sons. I wish it could have been another way. The first time I began to question was when I got my first ADC's. Then I went to a medium and she told me that I am beginning to realise this world isn't real. Wow! that really woke me up. I had never thought that before.Since then I have noticed so many things that point me to this conclusion. There is so much serendipity and synchronicity.I know this world is not what it seems.Our limited humaness prevents us from seeing the truth.It is like we have blinkers on.It is so hard to see beyond this reality as it is so real to us while we are here but I believe we can if we try. The answer is to,"believe."Everything is for a reason, every word, every encounter.When something happens now I ask "why?" instead of just putting it down as co incidence.Our sons are still very much alive, they know the real truth and are continuing to help and guide us on our earthly journey.Love to you.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Trapped in Time!

Have you ever noticed that older people seem to be trapped in a time warp. They don't move on with their music choices. Thay can't seem to accept change and constantly belittle progress and the youth of the day. Maybe we are sent here to experience a certain period in time. Maybe others born in the same time period have the collective conciousness as each other. Maybe they can't see beyond their beliefs unless the collective conciousness changes.They are trapped in a belief system that is mighty hard to get out of. I know I am trying.

The Meaning of Life???

Haven't been on for awhile but have been having some interesting thoughts on "The Meaning of Life."It's been a hard couple of week with the 4th angelversary of David's on 7/7. The day before I saw a number plate that said ME 777 and the day after LO 777. I'm sure David was letting me know he was near.
I've been on quite a few spiritual sites and sites that question the meaning of life, lately.One idea that was bandied around was that Earth is a prison planet. We are sent here to reform and when we've done our time we die and go back home or wherever. Guess that means the older you are the worse crime you've committed.So the good do die young! I tend to agree with this. Lots of old people seem to be very egotistical and selfish.Maybe living to 100 isn't all it's cracked up to be.
Another thought is that life is a simulated reality.I read this on Wikipedia so I am not the only person with this crazy thought or is it??? Remember The Matrix and Alice in Wonderland.
Read about simulated realities at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simulated_reality
Maybe there's a big computer called God that we are all hooked into. Maybe God is the creator of this computer or it's the God program. Maybe we are in a game arcade of the future and we hook up and experience a simulated experience of Earth's past. Glad I picked the late 1900's and 2000's. Not sure I would enjoy the middle ages or cave men times.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Notes, cards and more from behind the veil

I was going to the cemetary and wanted to place a lovely bunch of carnations on my sons grave. I went to the local store and saw just what I wanted on the top shelf of the flower display. I had to reach up to grab them.I placed them in the car and when arriving at the cemetary unwrapped the paper they were in to place them in some vases. I was astounded to find a crumpled piece of paper in the flower bunch. I opened it up and scribbled on the back of a shopping list was a love heart and kiss.How did it get there?

It was the first Father's Day since my son's passing. We were all very sad, especially my husband. We knew there would be no cards from David this year. My husband opened a drawer to look for something There lying on the top was a father's Day card from the year before. In it David had written I hope you enjoy my presents and prescence on Father's Day. I remember him writing this the year before and thinking it rather weird. I think his prescence was  there on that Father's Day.

It was shortly after my son's passing. My younger son was very upset. I had been reading about ADC's that people had received where they had received mobile phone calls from their loved ones even after they died.My son said, "I wish David would ring me?" at that moment my husband came down from David's room. He had been looking for something but instead had found a note on a chair. It said my younger sons name, followed by David's mobile phone number.I think David did phone my younger son but not in the way he expected.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Questions answered as requested.(short and sweet)

I was at Borders book shop looking for a book that would help me with my grief and give me answers. I asked in my head, "Come on David please let a book jump off the shelf  to let me know you are here." At that moment a young boy ran past the shelf at the end of the aisle.With a "Woops'" he knocked off one of the books. I had to look at it. It was Guiness World Records. Now David was not a reader but every year he asked for the newest edition of "The Guinness Book of Records." I think my question was answered

Before losing David I used to go walking each day with a group of friends. Well their visits became more sporadic after the event. Guess I wasn't much fun to be around anymore. It was my birthday and I was feeling pretty miserable. My friends had always taken me out for lunch but I hadn't heard from any of them for over 6 months. I said to my husband ,"Guess I'll be spending my birthday by myself." That moment the phone rang and guess who??   I had a lovely lunch with my old friends.

As David's death was deemed a homicide we were put in touch with the HVSG- Homicide Victims Support Group N.S.W, formed by Anita Cobby's  and Emily Simpsons parents, ( two of the most horrific murders in Australia) to help people that had lost a loved one due to homicide. In 2006 another family in a neighbouring suburb had lost their son to murder. He was the same age as David and his name was James. I asked the HVSG  group if they could get in touch with James mother and ask if she could talk to me. She rang me soon after and came over for coffee and spent 5 hours with us. She and her family are wonderful people and we have since become firm friends. On that first meeting just after she had left I asked my husband," I wonder if David has met up with James in Heaven.'I walked past the T.V and "King of Queens," was playing. I stopped to watch a bit. At that moment the character played by Jerry Stiller was saying," I really enjoy the company of Mr Palmer." Guess what James last name is?

Right on time.

I had the feeling that I wanted to watch the old T.V series,"Sliders," with the actor Jerry O'Connell. I had always loved science fiction and the possibility of parallel universes was intriqueing, especially now. I went to the shops and looked for the series. I found it but it was over $50 so decided that was too much to pay for a series I knew little about. I let the idea slip from my mind until a few weeks later when I was at JB hifi with my younger son. It was only $25 so I bought it. I was ready to watch the first series in anticipation but wanted a partner to share it with. I asked my younger son if he would watch it with me. He wasn't in the mood so I shelved the idea for a few days.I asked again and younger son was ready to watch it with me. We settled down and tuned into episode one.
The main character played by Jerry O'Connell is a brainiac who has invented a sliding machine to explore parallel universes. Before he tries the machine out for the first time, Jerry's character records a video diary for his mum. In it he says something like this,"Today is 25th September, I love you mum. If I don't get back please don't throw out any of my stuff as I may make it back one day and don't worry about me as  wherever I am, I'm having a blast"
Guess what day we sat down to watch this episode.? Believe it or not 25TH SEPTEMBER. Go figure that one.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Cars and transfiguration

My husband had his car in for a service. He couldn't make it home from work in time so my younger son and I went to pick it up from the Ford Dealer.Now my husband had been a Holden man for a long time but David had told him to buy a Ford RX6 turbo next time he went to buy a car.David was mad about cars.
 A  co worker at my husbands work was being posted overseas. He had just purchased a RX6 Turbo and couldn't take it with him. It was in immaculate condition. He had been trying to sell it to no avail.Well guess what, Bill bought it.He felt like David had set this up.
My younger son and I were waiting in the Car dealers office for this car to be ready. In walked a young guy and sat down. I looked at him and couldn't believe my eyes. He was the spitting image of David. I couldn't take my eyes off him.Was I imagining it. Was it wishful thinking? As we were leaving I saw him front on. He didn't look like David at all, but in profile he could have been a clone of him. My younger son and I hadn't talked while in the office but as we left, I blurted out,"Did you see that?" He said,"You mean the man that looked just like David". I think David was there checking out the cars..

Disembodied voices.

It was the first year. I was looking for Christmas presents.Christmas wasn't really something I wanted to celebrate but I couldn't disappoint my nephews and nieces. No matter what had happened to me, their lives were still filled with the joy and  wonderment of the season. I found a  sound recorder on special and thought that may be nice for my nephew. My younger son loved sound recorders  and when I showed it to him he asked if he could have it. Being the softy I am, I said "Of Course." He had a great time that afternoon recording his voice. It was nice to see him smiling , if only for a while. To operate the sound recorder, you had to hold a button as you talked. To replay you pressed the play button.My son left the sound recorder in the kitchen over night. The next day he went to use it again and pressed the "play'" button to recall what he had recorded the day before. He said,"Mum ,Listen to this. It was David's voice and it said," I am David." Replaying it over and over again, there was no denying it. It WAS David's voice. The sound recorder has not been used since and the voice is still there when you press play.

I was getting dressed one day when I distinctly heard my name called. It was a man's voice and reminded me of my maternal grandfather. I asked my husband and son if they had called me and both denied it. The voice was not in my head and I really heard it. Soon after I went to see a medium and told her about it. She said,"You are realising that this world isn't real!"
Just this week I heard David's voice, calling his brother by name. The same tone, the same inflection. Again the voice was not in my head.

Encounters with the other side

We decided to purchase another plot at the cemetary and were there to finalise the arrangements. As we were leaving the lady we were talking to said, "By the way, David's plaque is on the grave." We had been waiting for it to be made. These words did not fill me with cheer. The plaque meant that it was true, David really had died and it was all real. As we left the office I said,to my husband and son,"I don't want to see the plaque." as the words left my mouth a large woosh of wind swept across my head. I was sure it was a bird swooping at me. With flailing arms I must have looked a sight. My husband and son were walking beside and behind me. They said, "What is wrong." I told them and they said," There is nothing there." The air was as still as it had been. Not a breeze or bird in sight. Was David trying to tell me to go and look at his plaque. I think so and so I did.

I was having lunch with some old school friends. Debbie my best friend during my school years had lost her husband when her son, now 22, was 6 months old. We were talking about our losses and how we missed our husband and son. Debbie told me that shortly after her husband died, she saw him standing over the baby's crib. It brought her much comfort. Debbie had a can of coke on the table, suddenly it started moving across the table to me. Debbie, Joanne and I watched in astonishment. When the can stopped we checked it. It wasn't wet. We checked the table and it wasn't tilting. All three of us saw it. We tried to repeat it but it just wouldn't move. Perhaps Alan or David were visiting.

My husband and I were returning home . As we walked to the door my husband exclaimed, "What was that?" I heard nothing. He said it sounded like a swarm of bees flying past his ear.It reminded me of an old "Star Trek," episode where Captain Kirk is put into a higher frequency by Aliens. When he tries to talk to the other members of the Enterprise all they hear is a buzzing noise. Was this David visiting and trying to communicate. I have read that when we ascend we are on a higher, faster frequency.I hope so.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Synchronicities and strange happenings.

About a year after David graduated earth School. I was visiting the cemetary to place flowers. As usual the cemetary was empty. The place only comes "alive," at the weekend with families visiting their loved ones. During the week, the place is desolate and lonely with a sense of unhappiness- the realm of the dead.I decided to park my car in a different place and as I got out I spotted a lone figure bending over a grave in, "the garden of Innocence," the last resting place of the tiny babies that sometimes didn't make even one day on Earth. as I got closer I realised I knew the person. It was, Marie, the mother of one of my younger son's old school friends. She had lost a much awaited female baby, ( she is the mother of 4 boys)  to heart problems when she was not even six months old. I had not seen her for some years and then she was only an aquantiance. Marie told me that she hadn't been to the cemetary for a long time but for some reason, this day she had to come. I think it was meant to be. Marie and I from then onwards got together for coffee and lunch on a number of occassions. One day she told me that her mother had been involved in spirituality for quite sometime. Her mother had given her the name of a psychic that she thought was meant for me and not her. It was Ezio Deangeles.
Ezio was performing at Blacktown Workers Club. Two of my friends and I went to see him. Nothing amazing happened but I had been drawn into the world of spirituality and this was apparently to become a bigger part of my life.

Monday, February 7, 2011

The weirdness begins

The first "supernatural," thing that happened after the T.V freezing incident was the following. My husband, son and I all noticed it.It was during the funeral in the middle of the service. I'm not sure exactly when but suddenly the lights in the church turned off.Nobody was near the light switch which was visible  to us. It only happened for a second and then it was back on again.
Later we found out about another weird occurrence. When my husband arrived at the Tavern on the night.,he couldn't find David. He went out into the carpark but his view was obscured by the tavern's courtesy bus. David was in the corner and people were doing CPR on him. According to the police and recorded on CCT footage the courtesy bus moved forward a few feet, hence obscuring, Bill's view as he stepped into the carpark. As he turned to leave it moved back into the position it was in before. Why? Was he not meant to see David?Was there a higher power controlling events? Even the police found it weird.........(insert) Twilight Zone music.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

First signs from Dave.

It was the day before the funeral. People had been dropping in all day and all the days before.We had  the police and newspaper reporters hassling us .I had spent a good part of the day putting together a photo shop for the funeral. It was very upsetting going through all the wonderful photos and realising this was all I had left of David. I had been on auto pilot and it was all starting to come crashing down.  All I wanted was to crawl into a hole, never to emerge again, but David deserved more than that.We were all totally exhausted but we had to write the eulogy. So we holed ourselves up in the rumpus room,my husband, younger son and myself with my son on the computer.Me, crawled up in a ball occassionally glancing at the tv screen which was turned down. We were talking about all the wonderful things about David when suddenly I realised the T.V had frozen. It was on,"That 70's Show.  The main character Eric Foreman was speaking. He had stopped in mid move and mid sentence. His hand forming the thumbs up. David always gave the thumbs up.Look at the photo I have attached.
We replayed the scene as we ran our T.V through the DVD player at that stage.. Eric was saying,"That's great. I feel great. What a great day." then his hand moved on. He wasn't making a thumbs up at all but that's how his hand appeared where it froze.We were dumb struck. David was always saying,"great."His last words to me were" I'm having a great time."
Somehow I think David did have a great day and felt great. He is now free from the confines and problems of this earthly existence. He doesn't have to put up with the daily pain and crap that we that are still here have to endure.I hope you are having a blast wherever you are.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Premonitions

David knew he was going to die. A few weeks before the awful day. He said "Mum, I don't want to grow up. It is too' hard. I'd rather stay a kid forever."  Another time he said, " I'm not going to make 20  and why do you get 50 years and I don't".
The week before David's death we had just celebrated my 50th birthday party. It was a wonderful night. I have photos of us all smiling big huge cheesy smiles. My smile was the biggest. I can't smile like that anymore. So much has been taken away. The world as I knew it changed forever on 7/7/07.
Two weeks before the day I got very frustrated and angry with David. I went outside to calm down. He hadn't done anything bad but was being a frustrating teenager.Suddenly I had this overpowering feeling of nothingness. Words can't describe it. It was like there was no future  for David. There was just a void.Two days before the dreaded event David woke up and told me of a dream he had.He said it was incredibly real and he had met my father who passed in 2000 and asked him what heaven was like. The answer he got was that it was wonderful. I forgot about this dream until a week after the event.How prophetic was it!
On the terrible night David was supposed to be going out with a friend but it fell through.This friend had been cancelling arrangements for the last few weeks as he had recently formed a realtionship with a girl.David like a noraml teenager wanted to have fun on a Saturday night and this meant being with friends and going somewhere. He didn't get to do it very often as 2 friends had moved away and others were working Saturday night. He said," I really want to go somewhere so my husband suggested the Tavern as it was only a fifteen minute walk away. (He regrets this forever)David was not the sort of person to go out by himself  and I really didn't expect him to go. It was really out of character when he said he would go. I wasn't happy. I had this deep feeling that he shouldn't go. I had a bit of an argument with my husband but he insisted I should let David go as he was nearly 20. One thing I have never done is blame my husband. It was if it was meant to happen.
As the night went on I became more concerned and rang David. He seemed happy and said he was having a great time.My feeling of unease continued and I made my husband walk to the tavern to join David. Then just after he left  my younger son, suddenly went freezing cold. He rang David's phone and it wouldn't answer. After many, tries a strange voice answered and said. Your son has collapsed but don't worry call back in ten minutes.
You're joking!!!! my younger son and I ran to the car and high tailed it to the Tavern.It was the beginning of the end and life as we knew it.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

It begins

I will go back to  to 1991. My son, David was 4 years old. A happy, mischievous, active little boy.Not a worry in the world.We were living in Melbourne and I was out at late night shopping. When I returned, David was distraught. My husband told me that suddenly David had blurted out. I'm going to die. He had tried to calm him down but David was inconsolable. I remember in the days following buying some glitter powder and telling him it was fairy powder.and it will take your worries away. This just seemed to make him worse.We put it down to something David had heard on T.V or the stress of the move to Melbourne.( We had lived in Sydney before then) but as time went on this fear of dying reared its ugly head many times.It was always on his mind.It didn't stop him having fun  but it did make him the target of bullies.I don't want to go into it but David had a hard time at primary school when we returned to Sydney in 1994.Kids can be insensitive and there were certainly some insensitive ones that made David's primary school years ,hell,along with a few teachers that should be retired from the profession.I was a teacher and I do not appreciate the way they dealt with the bullying. Their attitude was sweep it under the mat.
When David reached 15 years of age, the dying fear it came back with a whammy.He said he knew he was going to die. He started working at the gym to build up his muscles as he knew he was going to be attacked. He knew he was not big enough or strong enough and wanted to do something to protect himself.He also started eating healthy food and was very self concious of any food he ate. He lived on salads. He had the feeling he may have had something wrong with his body.
My grandfather was a pyschic who gave readings. He also dabbled in the ouija board and had seances. This was in the 1920's when seances were all the rage so I used to think."oh yeah!' lets take this all with a grain of salt. My mum told me that whenshe was a little girl, she awoke one night when her parents were holding a seance.She tiptoed down to the room where the adults were sitting in a circle in dim light. She screamed when she saw a huge, American Indian in full head dress standing behind her father. Her father calmed her down by telling her it was his spirit guide. The Indian had since disappeared into thin air.
I often thought David had inherited his grandfather's psychic abilities.

First Day-Here I go

Well, hello. I have been thinking about starting a blog for a while.Guess, I just haven't had the motivation or the inner strength.Somehow, I feel stronger this year than I have in the past 3 and a half years. You see, my world changed on 7/7/2007 when my wonderful, 19 year old son, David died at the hands of bouncers at Castle Hill Tavern. My whole world fell apart and it is only now that I can even begin to pick up some of the pieces.I cannot begin to tell you the state of my mind and the suffering I have endured since the day in July that was supposed to be the luckiest day of the century. A day that many people anticipated with joy. This was a day when brides clammered to book  weddings, when happy gamblers bought scratch lotteries expecting some of the luck of luckiest day to come their way.My son bought scratchies that day too  but all his luck had been used up.

I'll leave you today with my facebook info. It says a lot of who I am.


I believe we are what we think and our world is the product of our thoughts. Therefore there is no place for negative thoughts,only positive ones.To shine love and light is the only way to survive this world. We should never be judgemental of others

I am Australian and I love living here.I love singing along and screaming to rock music with messages.I love turning my car CD up really loud.I love rock groups such as Linkin Park, AFI. I love my V8 red Commodore and I love it's power. I light candles every night for my son, mum and dad. All gone, way too soon..I love shopping for quirky ornaments.Shops with Asian and Cultural artefacts are my favourite.I like to paint and draw.I love reading and will read anything with meaning.I'm into Philosophy and reality creation at the moment also religion and spirituality. My family sponsors a World Vision child-Limakatso from Lesotho.I wish we could help more children .I am not the same person I was 39 months ago. My world was turned upside down.Now I question the meaning of life. I spend all my time thinking. Why did my son get taken. What was the point.If it was to accelerate me spiritually I would rather stay at the level I am at.My world is not the happy place it used to be.I live in"The giant Sadness,' like in "The Shack." I lost my son,best friend and most wonderful, kind guy, David on 7/7/07.Killed by bouncers at Castle Hill Tavern. His first time there. He just wanted to have fun.He was and is such a beautiful soul.My other lovely son, ,20 is also my best friend as well as my wonderful, husband .
I am spiritual, not religious.I don't believe in religion or politics.I think they cause more problems than anything.I believe in the power of positive thinking and love.I believe we are all one and should treat each other with respect and we shouldn't judge anyone.If there is a God it is within us. We are all God. I love my puppy. I miss my mum and dad.They left, too soon . I am sad my sister is so cruel to me. I have seen a ghost and I have evidence that we don't die. and I am not afraid of dying. I know there that we are never born, only our bodies are so how can we ever die .We just change form.Like a caterpillar into a butterfly.
Thanks David for letting me know you are still around.I love you forever, my wonderful son and I can't wait to see you again.